don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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