I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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