im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My life is pants optional.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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