how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
