I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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