so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
