I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
