literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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