OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
