i was rollin on her like bob the builder
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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