He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
