I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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