what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
