she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
