Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
