Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
