I want to stick my p in your. b.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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