everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
