If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she looked like the before picture.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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