You work out of a Hotel?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
