We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
