hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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