People in love make me want to vomit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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