i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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