your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.