is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE