Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.