Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car