dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality