Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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