I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law