It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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