I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
