I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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