Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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