i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
