If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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