this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
