Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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