Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
