the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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