she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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