You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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