How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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