OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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