Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
