Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
