I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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