I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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