They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
