WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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