So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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