Are we in a gay sports bar?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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