I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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