my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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