I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
