i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
