I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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