wanna go halves on a baby?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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