her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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