I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize