Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
