Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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