Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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