Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
