I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
