Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
