She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
