You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
