She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
