I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do cheetos always look like penises
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
