just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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