He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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