There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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