in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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