is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
