So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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