you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
