What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
