if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
