If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
