4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
