and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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