my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize