Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
