Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
