Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
