I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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