i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
