Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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